Day 6: I am loved.
Some of things we go through in life can have us questioning our whole reason for being on this earth. We meet people, we get to know them, we fall in love with them, and then BAM! It’s gone. Why did that happen? Why did they come into my life? They couldn’t have loved me. Or if you’re like me this feeling of not being loved has been with you since you were a child. Parents had other priorities or they didn’t show you love like they should have.
You go from one relationship to another looking for the love you never had or the one you think you deserve but there is one problem you don’t really know what love is or what love looks like. It’s easy to say you love someone, it’s easy for someone to say they love you but love is more than a word. It is an action and a feeling and everyone doesn’t love the same. I love you is not enough when there is no action behind it.
As a child I often wondered if I was loved, and I would often ask myself if my mom loved why isn’t she here; if my dad loved me why isn’t he here; if my grandma loved me why did she treat me this way? I would look at my classmates and see that they had people in the stands cheering for them, their parents showed up on Parent’s Night, this is what love looked like to my young eyes.
This carried over into my adult life I often took a lot from people who claimed they loved me because I really wanted to be loved. I wanted to be loved so bad I planned my first pregnancy at 18 or 19 years of age, my thinking was if I had a baby I knew I would be loved and I would love them, it was like we didn’t have a choice but to love each other. I had him and he changed my whole world.
Reflecting back on the time period from yesterday when I was going through this period of loneliness or being alone, I also had to learn another valuable lesson and that was how to love myself. During this time, I really had to do some self-reflecting. By this time my mom had passed but I was able to read some of her journals and letters that she wrote and I realized all those years she loved me she was just fighting her own demons. This helped me a lot. During this this time I also realized I was broken. I had been carrying around so much baggage and I had to just let it go. I had to find a way to forgive people who didn’t ask for it and who didn’t deserve it.
I woke up in the morning and I would look the mirror before I brushed my teeth and I would tell myself “I love you.” I did this for about thirty days and finally I begun to believe it, I didn’t have to fake it any more I loved myself, it felt good. After that first thirty days I went further and started telling myself “You are beautiful.” I eventually started believing that too. That felt even better. I am loved and I am beautiful. This is what this “I am” challenge is for, when you start speaking things over your life and in your life, you start to see a change.
What really changed for me and what really made me see the love I have in my life is first the love I received from God, He really showed up when I needed Him the most. I mean we need Him everyday but somedays we need Him more than others. After I begun to love myself I was able to really love my children and I made and still make sure they know it every day.
We can say we love ourselves all day but if we’re not putting any action behind it are we really loving ourselves. By action I mean are we doing things that are going to help us live a healthier life, are we doing things that makes us happy, or are we just living.
Get in the mirror and tell yourself, I am loved, I love me! Then put some action behind it, start cleaning out your mental space, start setting goals, start really living life. You must remind yourself of this daily; I am loved, I am loved, I am loved!
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. -John 3:16-